I want to be an “oak of righteousness”…

loan-oak-treeI want to be an oak tree.  Standing. Straight. And. Tall.

But more than being an oak TREE, I want to stand STRAIGHT and TALL because of what God has done for me.  “a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor.”  Isaiah 61:3

Now… let’s back up a little bit…  I’m going to tell you straight up here.  HERE.  I have no idea where I am going with this post.  Just so you know.

As I wrote yesterday, I have been broken lately.  I’ve been running round in circles.  NOT. SMART.  Instead of running TO God, I’ve been running in circles.  Like a dog.  A dog chasing its tail.  A dog chasing its tail but never quite catching it.

dog_chasing_tailBut isn’t he cute?  It’s NOT cute being broken, though.  It is NOT cute chasing after all things BUT God.

For several months now I have been chasing my tail.  I have been trying everything except the things God has been putting into my head, into my heart, into my mind… is that stupid or what?  I knew what He wanted me to do.  I knew what I wanted me to do.  I was going to get around to it.  When the time was right, I would get around to it.

I went to Dollar Tree searching for one.  I went to the grocery store thinking they’d have it.  Suddenly I realized I already HAD one… round tuitIt isn’t round, though.  It is rectangular in shape with thousands of pages.  In fact, I have several of them.  The “Round Tuit” I have been needing is my Bible.  And quiet time.  And prayer time.  And listening… listening to God speak.

I guess there comes a point in life when you get sick and tired of being broken.  SICK.  TIRED.   I came to the breaking point a few days ago and the tears started to flow… really flow… they wouldn’t stop.  Then He spoke to me… COME TO ME.  SIT WITH ME.  LET ME LOVE YOU, MY CHILD.  Yes!  He spoke that clearly and that loudly.

There is an author.  Her name is Suzanne Eller.  She has written other good books but right now this book is GREAT.  It’s title is, “The Mended Heart”.  I have heard all kinds of speakers on the radio and t.v. and internet talking about brokenness.  I have heard all sorts of stuff about how we get to this point.  FINALLY.  Somebody speaks/writes/teaches/leads us OUT of the brokenness!!!

So I will hold onto God’s hand and trust Him to lead me out of this pit.  I don’t have to stay here another moment.  In fact, from the very moment … the AH-HA Moment that happened yesterday… the pit has disappeared.  God has put me on a path that leads me to a place where only HE knows.  But He has promised to NEVER leave me nor forsake me.

I leave you with this for now…  Isaiah 61:1-3

“The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim GOOD NEWS to the poor.  He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion – to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.  They will be called OAKS OF RIGHTEOUSNESS, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.”

To be WHOLE again.  To have a PURPOSE again.  Those are some of the desires of my heart.  But my #1 desire is to be God’s Girl.  I was on His mind when He sent His Son to this earth.  When Jesus spoke in the synagogue in Luke 4:18-21, I was one of those persons sitting in the synagogue.

Precious Lord, take my hand, lead me on, help me stand…  I love you, Lord…

You Love Me Lord 005Amen.

A huge departure from my “normal” here…

I’ve been obviously absent from my blog for some time now.  It wasn’t intentional.  I’ve been distracted.  Apparently my blog isn’t the only part of my day from which I have been distracted and unintentionally obviously absent…  life has been hurting.  It’s been hurting A LOT.  Sooooo… here we go…  how could I be so stupid?  How did I not see what was happening?  Trust me, all of this blabbering WILL start to make sense… eventually.  So here “we” go.  Stick with me.  Or don’t.  I’m trying to heal here and nothing makes sense today.

praying hands

Dear Heavenly Father,

Today, 7/11/2015, I put every bit of my faith, trust, hope in you.  This pain I am experiencing is not from you.  I know that.  You are the Great Physician.  You make all things new.  You bring healing.  I admit that I’ve tried everything else when I should have turned to you.  Please forgive me.  I love you but even more so YOU love ME.  Facebook, phone calls, emails, none of them are as healing and powerful as you.  I’m not coming to you today just to feel better.  I am coming to you because it is where I belong.  It is where I am supposed to go.  It is the right thing to do.  Your word says you will NEVER leave me nor forsake me.  I am so sorry that I have been distracted & unfaithful to you.  I’d like to say it won’t happen again.  You know me.  It will happen again but I’m really going to try to turn a new leaf.  Now let’s see where you lead us together.

Amen.

Stay tuned… please…

Prayer – Three Ways

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After the worship service this morning, we were invited to pick up this Prayer reminder that is so much more than a cute little silicone bracelet.  You’ve seen them everywhere, I’m sure… every color known to mankind and most of the colors represent something.  I can’t tell you how many pink bracelets I have been given in the thirteen years since my cancer diagnosis!

But this bracelet is so special.  It will serve as an ever present reminder to PRAY FIRST, PRAY OFTEN and PRAY RIGHT.  Now, I can do the first two MOST of the time… I’m learning, let’s put it that way.  The third part… PRAY RIGHT… I’m not so sure…

Too often my prayers sound like a shopping list or a list that a child would give to Santa Claus.  God, will you do this for me… God, will you make this happen… God, will you heal this person… or how about the prayers that go something like a “wheeler dealer” exchange with God… “God, if you do X, then I’ll do Y… I promise…”

But I will wear this pretty blue bracelet proudly and ask God to use it for His honor and glory and maybe it will start a few conversations with some people.  And maybe those “somebodies” will be needing my prayers.   I sure hope so!