I want to be an “oak of righteousness”…

loan-oak-treeI want to be an oak tree.  Standing. Straight. And. Tall.

But more than being an oak TREE, I want to stand STRAIGHT and TALL because of what God has done for me.  “a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor.”  Isaiah 61:3

Now… let’s back up a little bit…  I’m going to tell you straight up here.  HERE.  I have no idea where I am going with this post.  Just so you know.

As I wrote yesterday, I have been broken lately.  I’ve been running round in circles.  NOT. SMART.  Instead of running TO God, I’ve been running in circles.  Like a dog.  A dog chasing its tail.  A dog chasing its tail but never quite catching it.

dog_chasing_tailBut isn’t he cute?  It’s NOT cute being broken, though.  It is NOT cute chasing after all things BUT God.

For several months now I have been chasing my tail.  I have been trying everything except the things God has been putting into my head, into my heart, into my mind… is that stupid or what?  I knew what He wanted me to do.  I knew what I wanted me to do.  I was going to get around to it.  When the time was right, I would get around to it.

I went to Dollar Tree searching for one.  I went to the grocery store thinking they’d have it.  Suddenly I realized I already HAD one… round tuitIt isn’t round, though.  It is rectangular in shape with thousands of pages.  In fact, I have several of them.  The “Round Tuit” I have been needing is my Bible.  And quiet time.  And prayer time.  And listening… listening to God speak.

I guess there comes a point in life when you get sick and tired of being broken.  SICK.  TIRED.   I came to the breaking point a few days ago and the tears started to flow… really flow… they wouldn’t stop.  Then He spoke to me… COME TO ME.  SIT WITH ME.  LET ME LOVE YOU, MY CHILD.  Yes!  He spoke that clearly and that loudly.

There is an author.  Her name is Suzanne Eller.  She has written other good books but right now this book is GREAT.  It’s title is, “The Mended Heart”.  I have heard all kinds of speakers on the radio and t.v. and internet talking about brokenness.  I have heard all sorts of stuff about how we get to this point.  FINALLY.  Somebody speaks/writes/teaches/leads us OUT of the brokenness!!!

So I will hold onto God’s hand and trust Him to lead me out of this pit.  I don’t have to stay here another moment.  In fact, from the very moment … the AH-HA Moment that happened yesterday… the pit has disappeared.  God has put me on a path that leads me to a place where only HE knows.  But He has promised to NEVER leave me nor forsake me.

I leave you with this for now…  Isaiah 61:1-3

“The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim GOOD NEWS to the poor.  He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion – to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.  They will be called OAKS OF RIGHTEOUSNESS, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.”

To be WHOLE again.  To have a PURPOSE again.  Those are some of the desires of my heart.  But my #1 desire is to be God’s Girl.  I was on His mind when He sent His Son to this earth.  When Jesus spoke in the synagogue in Luke 4:18-21, I was one of those persons sitting in the synagogue.

Precious Lord, take my hand, lead me on, help me stand…  I love you, Lord…

You Love Me Lord 005Amen.

A huge departure from my “normal” here…

I’ve been obviously absent from my blog for some time now.  It wasn’t intentional.  I’ve been distracted.  Apparently my blog isn’t the only part of my day from which I have been distracted and unintentionally obviously absent…  life has been hurting.  It’s been hurting A LOT.  Sooooo… here we go…  how could I be so stupid?  How did I not see what was happening?  Trust me, all of this blabbering WILL start to make sense… eventually.  So here “we” go.  Stick with me.  Or don’t.  I’m trying to heal here and nothing makes sense today.

praying hands

Dear Heavenly Father,

Today, 7/11/2015, I put every bit of my faith, trust, hope in you.  This pain I am experiencing is not from you.  I know that.  You are the Great Physician.  You make all things new.  You bring healing.  I admit that I’ve tried everything else when I should have turned to you.  Please forgive me.  I love you but even more so YOU love ME.  Facebook, phone calls, emails, none of them are as healing and powerful as you.  I’m not coming to you today just to feel better.  I am coming to you because it is where I belong.  It is where I am supposed to go.  It is the right thing to do.  Your word says you will NEVER leave me nor forsake me.  I am so sorry that I have been distracted & unfaithful to you.  I’d like to say it won’t happen again.  You know me.  It will happen again but I’m really going to try to turn a new leaf.  Now let’s see where you lead us together.

Amen.

Stay tuned… please…

Quandary … or however you spell that word that means “kerfluffle”…

I’m in a huge kerfluffle or that other word that I am not sure I know how to spell correctly.  Talk about spelling… since I don’t know how to spell “misspell” correctly, I just say… spelled it incorrectly.  But once again I digress.  I’m good at digressing.  I’m also good at babbling.  Which should be 100% obvious here right now!!!  Anyhow.  About the kerfluffle.  Is that even a word?  I ask that question A LOT.  We used to call made up words “Gilisms” but that’s for another day.

Gil salute

I have been hungry for a Three Musketeer bar for DAYS now.  DAYS, I tell you!  Not just a candy bar.  No “any old” candy bar will do.  I am specifically hungry for a Three Musketeer bar.  The funny thing is this.  Since I went through chemo, I don’t even LIKE chocolate.  Before chemo it was like a food group to my body.  Now it tastes like eating acid.  Not that I ever truly have tasted acid.  But I can imagine… I’m good at imagining.  Oops.  Another digression.

3 musketeers

So my kerfluffle is this.  I would have to get dressed tonight (I am NOT sitting here naked.  I am ready to crawl into bed!) and get in the Tundra and drive somewhere to buy a Three Musketeer bar.  Heaven forbid if I would actually WALK to the little convenience store about a mile away.  Or ride my bike!  That would take exercise.  This is getting ridiculous.

my bike(This really IS my bike!  Isn’t it cute?)

Anyhow, I DO have a Betty Crocker fudgy brownie or is it fudgey brownie mix.  If I made them, I’d have enough chocolate treats for the next two weeks.  Which is a perfect amount of time… but that’s another digression.  But I would have to do all of that measuring and mixing and spreading and baking and the timing.  OH MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS… it tires me out just to think about all of that work!!!

fudge brownies

Sooooo I guess what I’ll do is drink a glass of water.  With a handful of M & M’s.  They’re left over from Christmas.  HAHAHA!!! That should really satisfy my longing for a Three Musketeer bar.  Right?

M&Ms

But THAT my friends is a topic for another day.  Right now I am tired after all of this thinking.

Memorial Day…

Please do not think I am un-AMERICAN if I don’t participate this year.  Don’t get me wrong.  In my heart I am thankful for all who have served our beautiful country of The United States of America.  I am thinking of those families who have the names of loved ones engraved upon The Wall and other monuments throughout our capitals and home towns…   And I am thinking about my beloved Gil.  A LOT.

Gil proudly and VIGOROUSLY served our country for nearly 21 years through his service in the United States Navy.  The stories he would tell me were laced with his love for all things NAVY!

One of these days… and SOON… I will share with y’all “The Story of Gil”.  Nudge me and remind me sometime soon, please?  Today isn’t the day to wade into those waters…

Anyhow.  Today is the first Memorial Day I will spend without him since we first met that magical day in January of 2010.  I always fussed over him when Memorial Day would come around.  He was so uneasy with the fussing.  I can still hear him say to me in his VERY Southern drawl, “Quit making a fuss.  I’m not a hero.”  But he was MY hero.  He chose to serve.  He chose to serve when others were dodging the draft.  He served with dignity and honor.  He IS my HERO.

So, please forgive me for today.  And when you are thinking about those who went before us… please remember my sweet, precious, loving Gil.  You’d have loved him so much…

I love you, Babe.  And my heart still bursts with pride over you.

xoxoxx  shrimper

flag (2) Flag Gil - Carlisle Military School Gil - green card back Gil aboard ship US Navy Gil as a young sailor Gil Carolina shirt

DIGITAL CAMERA
DIGITAL CAMERA

Gil NTC Orlando Gil salute Mr and Mrs at last patch Valentines Day 2014

This Scripture is today’s Encouraging Word from K-Love… because it moved my heart so much, I am sharing with you – my special friends…

This is real love – not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.

1 John 4:10

How can we ever say “Thank You” enough?

How can we ever fully grasp this concept?

How can we ever return this love?

We can’t.  We simply can’t.

We can just “Do” – for that is all He expects from us…

Love One Another

I love you…

Assumptions… Wrong conclusions… Missed friendships…

I’ll state this right up front… I’m not sure how to say what I want to say but I promise that this will be my best try cause it really matters in my heart at this exact moment.

Most of us have heard that phrase about the word “assumption”, right?  It’s actually about the word “assume”.  What it makes out of “u” and “me”???  With this age of impersonal communications when people mostly “talk” by email, tweeting, facebooking, texting, and other things about which I know nothing… and we don’t actually speak words to one another.  No long phone chats.  What’s a handwritten letter?  How long has it been since you actually MET with another person to have a face-to-face talk?  It seems that those last three options take too much time from our busy lives.  WHAT are we so busy doing?  I’m one of those strange folks who still has a land line… most days it just sits there doing nothing other than keeping its place on the shelf.  That’s sad 😦   Oh, don’t get me wrong.  It gets used A LOT to make calls but they usually end up in a voice mailbox… then the answer to the phone message is a text on my cell phone.  That’s dumb.

When all we do is practice these modern ways of communicating, we miss so much of a good relationship.  We miss the sound of the other person’s voice.  We miss the funny, quirky little sounds.  We miss the emotions.  We miss the laughter.  We miss the tears.  We miss the silent pauses…  We “read” instead of “hear”.  We use words that make sense to us but sometimes in the conveyance to the other person the meaning is misunderstood.  When explanations are given, rarely does it “fix” things.  Often it makes matters worse.

Sometimes a budding friendship that could turn into something beautiful faces an untimely death.  Because of the “back and forth”… the personal part is lacking… and the friendship becomes dispensable.  It becomes more work, more energy than we care to expend.

Why don’t we value voice to voice, face to face, sharing the same space types of relationships any more?  Is it because we don’t really prioritize friendships any more?  When you have 3000+ “friends” on facebook, who cares if you lose 1 or 2 here and there?

Is it time to slooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow down our lives and get back to how things “used to be” when we took time for one another?

Are we so protective of our lives that we put up these false walls around our personal space to control every moment?  If so, is that REALLY necessary?

Good relationships start out as friendships.

The other day… the 25th exactly… part of the devotions that I read discussed the importance of maintaining a vital connection with God.  The author stated that as Christians we are to maintain our relationship with Him.  In trying to make sense of this instruction from the Bible, I searched the concordance in my Bible to find out what the Bible has to say about relationships.

To have a vital relationship with God (which can also be transferred to relationships with one another) we should:  TALK to one another… LISTEN… KEEP UP with one another… PRAY… Spend time together… make the relationship a priority.

In all of the reading that I did, not even one time… not even one little smidgen of information hinted at “Hurry through…”  Quite the opposite.

I’m sad tonight.  A friendship probably has been missed because of an assumption and wrong conclusions but mostly because of “modern technology” which took away all of the really good stuff.  The laughter.  The sighs.  The tears.  The voice exchange… Yeah.  I’m sad.

But there comes a time in your life when you realize that you are only an option in the life of another person.  There is a quote that somebody shared with me a few months ago… and it is real fitting tonight… “Don’t make somebody else a priority in your life when you are simply an option in theirs.”

As a Christian… I’m struggling tonight.  This whole friendship thing… It’s time to go meet with God.  I think He’s been waiting on me in the other room…

Peace.  peace