If you have read any of the stuff I have been writing and posting here you know that I rarely am able to be 100% serious. This one hopefully will be a departure from that routine. HOPEFULLY but I’m not making any guarantees here!
We all hear about governments being “Totally transparent administrations” which rarely, if ever, happen. Well, today I am going to be a “Totally transparent widow”. That sounds ridiculous! But fasten your seat belts… batten down your hatches… cause I have no idea where I’m going with this and it could be a real trip.
Yesterday, March 22nd, was 7 months since Gil passed into the arms of our Heavenly Father. I saw it happen. This is going to sound strange but it was the most wonderful “thing” I have ever experienced. To actually watch your loved one pass from your arms into the best arms in all of the universe!
As I was driving on I-95 yesterday morning, my mind started to wander. I know. It’s bad to let your mind wander when you are driving on an interstate highway BUT… it was before sunrise and there weren’t many fellow drivers out there. So I could have been on a country road that just happened to have a speed limit posted of 70. And I was wearing my sunglasses in preparation for the sun to rise.
I was thinking about the past 7 months and how far God has brought me in such a short amount of time. 12 hours before Gil passed, he seriously said to me, “Shrimper? Promise me that you won’t sit around for a year being sad. Get out there and find somebody who has a little dog.” “Nobody is going to come to the front door and say, Hi Gloria. I am (enter name here) and I want to be your friend.” I AM NOT KIDDING HERE! He actually said these very words to me! I told him that he was nuts cause I didn’t want a little dog…
Now, it is important for you to know this… we had moved to Port Saint John less than a year before he got sick. We had bought this house and gutted it and were still in the process of making it into a home. Gil and I had not even had the opportunity of enjoying this home cause we were so busy working on it! I might have had 2 or 3 friends but even that is a stretch. We hadn’t become involved at a church, community groups, social things… nothing! So here I was, a total stranger in a new home in a strange area.
Talk about putting your life totally and completely into the hands of the Lord! And He has NEVER failed me even for one moment. I’ve failed HIM a lot. But He loves me so much that He isn’t going to hold that against me.
In these past 7 months and 1 day, I have found out so much about myself. I have found out so much about the world. Clarity is mine. That last point is HUGE considering how crazy my brain works at times. I’ve made some really poor decisions but nothing of great importance. God has literally walked ahead, beside, next to me for each and every step.
He has pushed me when I needed a shove. He has given me breath when I couldn’t go on. He has wiped my tears in the middle of the night. He has brought so many blessings into my life and shown me how some of what I saw as “bad stuff” actually was HIS GOOD STUFF.
He has brought me some new and very special friends. And He has given my one super great friend who is over 1000 miles away from here the patience of Job and wisdom for the job. Job and job. Interesting… Oh dear… now the tears are starting to flow. I am so very thankful for this ONE SPECIAL FRIEND. You know who you are and I want to publicly acknowledge you. I’m not going to take an ad out in your local paper and I’m not hiring the Geico Skytypers so don’t be worrying 🙂
I remember going to the Sunday morning worship service that first Sunday when I went to a new church all by myself. The minute I walked into the building, God showed me that I was where He wanted me to be. I also remember watching the worship team as they lead the singing. I remember thinking to myself, “I wonder if I will ever connect to God through the music again?” I’m a church musician and I’m not connecting to God through the music????? I was TRAINED to be connected to God through His music for crying out loud!!!
SUDDENLY, I realized as I drove that I AM connecting again. God is in my heart. He is in my head. He is in my song. He IS my song!
Do I have loneliness in my life? You betcha. I am lonely but never alone. Am I ever anxious? Yup. Who wouldn’t be? I’m not a saint, you know? Do I worry? Of course. I’m a woman. We are supposed to worry. HAHA… okay. I’m busted here. I messed up with the “serious” part. But I am being serious. I am Gloria and I am a widow but I am not an orphan and God is my Father. He has figured it all out. He knows my future. He knows everything because He holds my tomorrows in His precious hands.
He’s holding your tomorrows in His hands, too. Each and every one of us can trust His promises and love our lives because of Him. We can love our lives even when our days hurt. All we have to do is look around and count our blessings.
He is good because He is God. Amen.
Blessings in Bunches!